For when you’re ready; ready to get well; ready to stop spinning in circles; ready for change that lasts.
Welcome
Hi there! I’m Dan (he/him), an LGBTQ+ Addiction Therapist Based in London, currently working from both Westminster (W1) & Peckham (SE15), as well as online throughout the UK.
Are you stuck in a constant cycle of using drugs and/or alcohol to cope with life, to avoid feelings? Do you tell yourself you’re not going to use/drink again, only to find yourself doing it all over again and wondering why? Or perhaps you’re stuck in a loop of chill outs, trying to connect with other guys, only to find yourself in risky situations, having sex with people you’d never usually have sex with and feeling empty and alone at the end of it all? Are you worried about how much G & T you’re using?
Maybe you’re you stuck sometimes with feelings of shame about being gay/bi/queer even though you’re fully “out” or perhaps stuck in coming to terms with your sexuality or gender identity? Or maybe you’d just feel more comfortable having a counsellor from your own community; someone who knows what it’s like to grow up and live in a world that’s profoundly hetero/cis-normative and homo/trans-phobic.
Or perhaps you’re stuck in feeling that who you are or what you do is never “good enough”? That you’re not buff enough, good looking enough, funny enough, successful enough, hung enough? Do you think that everyone else is living a fabulous, happy life, and that because you’re not, there’s something terribly “wrong” with you?
I get it, because that used to be me…
I spent years running away from and avoiding the parts of myself that I couldn’t bear, the parts that left me feeling that there was something terribly “wrong” with me. That if someone saw what lay behind the “perfect” masks I would put on, they’d run away in horror.
I used to be stuck in a constant anxiety loop, always over-worrying, too often finding myself paralysed by indecision. Afraid of making the "wrong" choice, ,avoiding places and/or people because it felt overwhelming. Putting my head down on the pillow to go to sleep only to find my washing-machine brain whirring around and around over everything that could or would go wrong in the future. I’ve been stuck in periods of low mood, despair, hopelessness. That nothing ever changes, so what’s the point in trying to carry on. Struggling to find my old motivation and unable to connect with any joy in life.
I used to hate myself. I’d constantly talk to myself in ways I’d never talk to my best friend - “stupid”, “ugly”, “worthless”, “unloveable”. And I’d to find ways to judge other people as “less than” in order to bolster my fragile sense of worthiness. And then fall in to traps of judging others as “better than” me, so I’d be back to square one. And I’d look for validation from other people, putting their needs and wants ahead of my own, so that they’d like me, they’d really like me!
My boundaries were either almost non-existent, so that I got taken advantage of too easily, or else enmeshed, or I lived behind a wall to keep people out, in a “house” of loneliness and isolation, so that they couldn’t see who I “really” was and reject me. I had no notion of what healthy self-care really is (it’s not, say, a bubble bath, as lovely as those are). I had no clue about my wants and needs, and if I did, I could never express them for fear of rejection. Instead, I’d to control everyone and everything around me in order to try, all too often unsuccessfully, to get my needs and wants me.
And to deal with all that, I turned to drugs and alcohol to self-medicate. Which worked, until it no longer did…
If you’re done with feeling like any of that and want to make a difference, and you’re based in London or in the UK, please reach out now - I currently have availability in Central and South London, as well as online.
How I Work
I know, though, how it is to get “unstuck” and to change.
To no longer have to use drugs/alcohol, to feel empowered rather than powerless.
To not feel ruled by anxiety.
To feel hope and joy, to connect with other people and have intimate relationships.
To not be crippled by shame but instead an inner sense of peace and self-acceptance.
To better know my wants and needs and be able to communicate those to others.
To esteem myself rather than look to others to do that for me.
To be a gay/queer man who can look the world in the eye and feel proud of who he is.
To let my authentic personality shine, rather than the survival personalities of the past.
I’ve spent many years helping people come home to themselves—recovering from addiction, trauma, shame, anxiety, and the deep loneliness that often underpins it all. It’s my belief that much of what keeps us stuck stems from the wounds of childhood—growing up in families marked by dysfunction, codependency, or addiction. These experiences shape us. And then, the world tries to sell us endless solutions that don’t truly heal what hurts.
I know, too, that you’re not going to walk through the door to our first session and be ready to show all of who you are and to share the deepest, darkest parts of you and your story. And that’s perfectly okay - it takes time to build trust in a relationship and to feel safe enough. But as you begin to reveal yourself to me, you’ll experience how it is to say those things you’ve never been able to say. How it is to not feel, and be, judged as “less than”. To feel understood. To be seen, heard and held. To experience someone not running away from you, but drawing closer to you as you become your full amazing and wondrous self.
No, I’m not going to just sit and listen and expect you to do all the work - I’m going to ask plenty of questions to help you and I make sense of everything. And don’t be surprised by some gentle challenging from me if I sense that there are blind spots that you may need to look at and address to keep moving forwards.
And yes, in addition to looking at what’s going on in your life today, we’re going to have to get our hands a little dirty and do some digging around in your past and in your childhood to get clear away the debris and reveal the bedrock upon which you can build a solid foundation.
The foundation of knowing who you truly are, what makes you “tick”. A foundation to build the rest of your life on.
A foundation that will give you the confidence and security to go out in to the world knowing that there’s something terribly “right” with you.
About Me
Before venturing out in to private practice, I spent several years working in a charitable (12-step) drug and alcohol rehab in South London and with the substance misuse teams in two London prisons, working with a mix of LGBTQ+ and non-LGBTQ+ clients. My experience includes 1:1 work, group therapy and providing workshops on an array of topics pertinent to mental health and recovery.
Beyond becoming a therapist, I made a living over the last 2 decades as an artist (working with different media) and dealing in vintage toys and was fortunate to spend 13 years living in San Francisco, an experience that changed my life in so many ways. As well as landing me with an accent many people can’t quite place.
As a Gay/Queer man in long-term recovery, I don’t just believe change is possible—I’ve lived it.
I’ve gone through this journey myself and have been in shoes that look very much like yours. And I’ve experienced the power of being seen, warts and all, and accepted just as I am. It still sends shivers down my spine. It’s given me a life beyond my wildest dreams - not in terms of success and “stuff”, but a deep, internal peace and contentment. To be able to be the “authentic me”, to really connect with others and to feel the love that flows back to me.
I’ve walked through fear, grief, addiction, shame, and hardship and through to the other side.
And I know that healing, recovering and restoring our authentic selves doesn’t come from quick fixes.
It comes from relationship, from being deeply seen and held as we are—no masks, no performance.
I’m here to walk that path with you.
To help you remember who you are beneath the survival strategies.
To support you in doing the work that only you can do—but not alone.
Where I Work
I currently work face-to-face from South London (SE15 - Peckham Rye) and Central London (W1 - Fitzrovia) and online via Zoom.
My Rates
I charge £80 per 50-minute session. I currently have spaces for those of you who may be on low/no income.
I appreciate that
As someone who may be lesbian/gay, bisexual, trans or queer identifying, you may prefer support with your mental health and wellbeing related to a specific LGBTQ+ aspect or issue.
As someone with an addiction, problematic substance misuse, or compulsive behaviour, it might be difficult to stop on your own.
As someone in recovery, you may wish to work with a therapist who deeply understands addiction and recovery.
As a survivor of abuse or childhood trauma, you may get stuck in unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships and patterns of behaviour.
I can help and support you with
Alcoholism | Anxiety & Depression | Apps | Body dysmorphia | Boundaries | Chems & Chemsex | Childhood trauma | Compulsive helping | Drugs and substance misuse | Emotional abuse & neglect | HIV & Sexual Health | Internalised homophobia / Toxic Shame | Isolation & loneliness | Love & Sex Addiction | Work addiction | Recovery | Relapse prevention | Low Self-Esteem / Self-Worth & Confidence | Discovering / recovering your authentic self.
“Dig deep within yourself, for there is a fountain of goodness ever ready to flow if you will keep digging.”- Marcus Aurelius